After months spent doing everything to stay close to her, to show her my love in every possible way, my difference from her other partners, after struggling with her "inverted" schedules compared to a normal person that posed insurmountable obstacles to my return to "normality," after the suffering for being in second place, for the crumbs she offered me of her life... in the end, I had to make the decision to end the relationship marked by the most intense infatuation I can remember.
Miriam taught me many things, she was first and foremost "a ruthless life lesson" (I'm using her words, referring to one of her exes, number 3), she certainly allowed me to internalize, to make my own many indispensable concepts in my new profession: for example, that you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, or how to talk/negotiate/make agreements with someone who is bipolar/schizophrenic always reasoning in a "dual/binary" form, a bit like in quantum mechanics.
Surely I learned how sometimes it is necessary to find the strength to end a relationship, even if you love that person more than your own life, I was forced to grow up, to overcome the paradigm of romantic/adolescent/eternal love by learning to appreciate our human reality, I took on the heavy responsibilities that come from adulthood combined with the vocation to help others.
But there is one thing I learned and initially perceived as unsettling, the only one that personally scared me for its potential philosophical and social implications.
I treated my love for Miriam as an addiction, I used my methods and my willpower to fight A NOBLE, BEAUTIFUL FEELING, without which, I am convinced, humanity could not exist.
I was attracted by the challenge, I thought that the strongest, the deepest of "addictions" is precisely the one you can have because of love for another human being, I think of romantic love, but also of that towards your children, your parents, relatives, friends, and even pets, in practice I refer to a very general concept of love that you can feel for another living being or a community.
I was terrified to think of the potential social effects: if it becomes "simple" to free oneself from love, what remains of a human being? The only images that came to mind were of monsters, the only emotions evoked were fear and anger, the only sounds were cries.
It worked and this is precisely what initially terrified me, it is possible to intervene on a heartbreak or the loss of a loved one with techniques and tricks similar to those I used to rid myself of crack addiction.
But to my great relief, I did not turn into an evil creature... ON THE CONTRARY... I believe even more in love, I continue to love people, my animals, nature, life, MY life... and even Miriam: I got rid of the infatuation for Her and suffer infinitely less... but I will never stop loving her... and if I can help her FOR REAL I will do it without hesitation.
Once again God has shown me that He designed this Universe better than I could ever imagine, and here I ask Him for forgiveness for having sinned... of PRIDE... AMEN.
P.S.: Miriam, if you read this point, please FOCUS: Helping you FOR REAL DOES NOT MEAN offering you a "dose" nor giving you discounts regarding your irresponsible behaviors... (like "having a fling in my face" with the same person who tried to strangle your son!)