After months spent doing everything possible to be close to her, to show her my love in every possible way, to show her how I was different from her other partners, after fighting against her “reversed” schedule compared to a normal person which posed insurmountable obstacles to my return to “normality,” after suffering for being in second place, for the crumbs she offered me from her life… in the end I had to make the decision to end the relationship marked by the most intense infatuation I can remember.
Miriam taught me many things, she was above all “a ruthless life lesson” (I’m using her words, referring to one of her exes, number 3), she definitely allowed me to internalize, to make my own many concepts essential in my new profession: for example, that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, or how to talk/negotiate/make agreements with someone who is bipolar/schizophrenic, always reasoning in a “dual/binary” way, a bit like in quantum mechanics.
Surely I learned how sometimes it’s necessary to find the strength to end a relationship, even if you love that person more than your own life, I was forced to grow up, to overcome the paradigm of romantic/adolescent/eternal love by learning to appreciate our human reality, I took on the heavy responsibilities that come from adulthood combined with the vocation to help others.
But there’s one thing I learned and that at first I found disturbing, the only one that personally scared me for its potential philosophical and social implications.
I treated my love for Miriam as an addiction, I used my methods and my willpower to fight A NOBLE, BEAUTIFUL FEELING, without which, I am convinced, humanity could not exist.
I was attracted by the challenge, I thought that the strongest, deepest of “addictions” is precisely the one you can have because of love for another human being, I think of romantic love, but also that for your children, your parents, relatives, friends, and even pets, basically I’m referring to a very general concept of love that you can feel for another living being or a community.
I was terrified to think of the potential social effects: if it becomes “easy” to get rid of love, what remains of a human being? The only images that came to mind were of monsters, the only emotions evoked were fear and anger, the only sounds were of crying.
It worked and that is precisely what terrified me at first, it is possible to intervene on a heartbreak or the loss of a loved one with techniques and tricks similar to those I used to get rid of my crack addiction.
But to my great relief I did not turn into an evil creature…ON THE CONTRARY…I believe even more in love, I continue to love people, my animals, nature, life, MY life…and even Miriam: I got rid of the infatuation for her and I suffer infinitely less…but I will never stop loving her…and if I can REALLY help her I will do so without hesitation.
Once again God has shown me that He designed this Universe better than I could ever have imagined, and here I ask Him for forgiveness for having sinned… of PRIDE…AMEN.
P.S.: Miriam, if you’re reading this please FOCUS: REALLY helping you DOES NOT MEAN offering you a “dose” nor making allowances for your irresponsible behavior (like “having sex behind my back” with the same person who tried to strangle your son!).